Teddy Mueller’s Blog

God* i offer myself to thee…to build with me and do with me~as thou wilt*..relieve me of the bondage of self*..that i may better do thy will***…take away my difficulties*..that victory over them~may bear witness to those i would help*..of  Thy*** Power* Thy Love* and Thy way of Life***~~~may i do Thy* will alway’s…***amen….

dad to me means love and strength…the belief in dreams~lifetimes spent…sharing and caring alway’s for me…and a heart filled with understanding you see…a sense of not giving up…or losing ground…fill yourself with love*,,,and God won’t let you down…!

not many people have seen this world i know…for dad means something different to those…yet for me it remains embedded in my soul…dad alway’s tried to help me reach my goals…i’ve seen it in other’s not as fortunate as me…the unconditional love~missing you see…for i will never know that feeling…my dad would’nt let that be…

so this, his 70th birthday…the world of dad to me…is as special as the universe in everyway…it touches my heart every night and every day…!!! love alway’s teddy*** …i wrote this poem* and put in a frame, on world paper~for my dad’s birthday 12/21/97… he never made his next…rest in peace father/dad/pop-11/98..your right here with me…! love***:o)***-*.  ………my mom had this on the memorial table, at dad’s navy formal military funeral/buriel, and gave me a copy…***

tjm

i wonder, what we have become? the government, this administration-corrupt, last-corrupt, before corrupt…clinton had 3 chances to get bin laden and didn’t!? fact! let’s not kid ourselves, government has the money$ and is shared with their friends, business futures, greed and more…nation’s fight over that! they are willing to try and take what you have…at ANY COST! the launch pad in n korea, needs to go! china can send-up their satelites!!! vancouver, japan..many at risk of bombs..where is leadership! what’s this tele-prompter bull-shit…can’t you talk off the top of your head??? i don’t see it! the un is a joke! and you might as well shut-up, about global warming, and al, find a new job, until everyone gives up the cars & trucks, what are you doing mr. president taxing coal-WE HAVE IT! my heating is higher because of..where is the disabled, veterans care??? i am a czech/german/swedish/indian! healthcare is all illegals, where’s leadership here, talk is cheap cheap, actions alway’s speak louder…and the drums are getting louder!!!  stymulus=2 new windows at DMV to count illegals..orange card/thumb print! i ask the latin community or whoever is here illegally, if they want citizenship, they must endure a process! peacefully, we’ll have music for the lines…no-one is getting kicked-out, no decisions being made only a count. also the census should NOT be run by the government. think about it. the gov. can barely run a DMV??? where is leadership, i took-back my vote for change, along time ago…my fellow indians were counted by the government in 1834..many in chains, and not a pleasant experience…yet they have endured the circle of life, the 4 directions, and know cedar, sage, sweetgrass, and tobacco…here now with great wisdom, if the lost generation would ever shut-up long enough without the me,me,me, i,i,i, self,self selfishness, maybe they might learn something about our nations past, and learn how to play a real musical instrument-istead of rockband/the beatles, it will do the soul better…! the blacks too, brought in chains and sold to the rich! What we must remember is…if these terrible things did not happen, the samething’s would be happening that were…indians fighting indians, africans fighting africans, the european countries fighting each other…we as a human race, Don’t get along!!! we can’t agree on toilet paper, or which key ring? we have an american history with all that has happened today…tomorrow never knows..! the world comes here now, for freedom and the american dream***we don’t have much, anymore! industry is dying, we make nothing anymore! the lost generation…oh boy!…this is all on my mind!

i am on Social Security Disability Insurance! Disabled am i!!! even when i do get rid of the wheelchair eventually..for awhile! i live in wisconsin, winter is arriving..! i went to gov. heat-assistance this yr. as i did last yr. this yr. i was given $210 for the winter-4/10 this yr…last yr. i just barely made it- $700 for the winter???? answer-how will i not freeze to death this yr..no stymulus here! gov. healthcare? HA! …….this is all on my mind…today 10/10/09..nxt yr 10/10/10…what will we be????

but what’s really on my mind is sylvana lisi’s birthday today…she is my precious one, with her vast oceans of life* & love*…all my love*** )*xoxo…,,

tjm

my name is “Teddy John Lonefeather2 Mueller…i’m a czech, german, swedish, menomonie or oneida indian! my great great grandmother was a squaw! my mom & i went to wautoma, wi to look-up the information we had. we needed to get to 1833 to know! the u.s. government started counting all american indians in 1834! in wautoma it only went back to 1835…so we don’t know, but we have a picture of her, and she is a squaw! i understand the full circle of life, the medicine wheel w/4 directions, the 4 herbs: cedar, sage, sweetgrass, tobacco..indians believe in their God, they respect your God or you may not believe in God, no faith?? i am a christian, i believe in the father, the son, and the holy spirit! yet have a problem with many christians playing God, judging people, telling them how they must live…that is not the christian i am! i’m was at bottom, a foot on my face pushing it into the cement…scarred massively in my body and soul from my life experiences & choices..humbled sincerely, and asked God to deliver me away from myself, to him, and listen for understanding! many wolves in sheeps clothing! 9/8/08 i was diagnosed w/hepititus c virus, my b in remission! oct 2nd ‘08 an ambulance to the hospital in convulsions! after numerous blood, liver biopsy’s, ultrasounds, and cat-scans, my thankgiving day present was advanced liver cirrosis-9% of liver works, hepititus-C-virus, 16 million viral load, 4-8yrs left w/50%mortality…mel, my best friend, music lover, 12-sponsor, since 2/09 helped me & many stay sober/clean to begin hep-c-treatment. and thru it. we lost him 9/26/09 unexpectedly…miss him bad! a combo treatment of 1 injection of interferon and 1200mg of ribavirin pills everyday! sober/clean since feb, i began treatment at 8pm sun 6/7/09 with myself injecting/interferon, and the ribavirin/everyday. i went 18 days to 6/25/09..911 -1 starvation/dehydration, they brought me back! my mom took me home and opened the fridge, all the food i bought 6/7 $120 worth, 6/26/09 rotten, never eaten, thrown away! i believed i ate it..madness, i never went in there. went to the bathroom came back and believed i ate! side-effects for me 16wks. 24/7 the worst flu ever..pain-much, no morphine patch for me, only 9% of a liver, a stomach filled w/cement, constant nausea, aches pains…now the mental madness, delusions, chronic-depression, dimensions, hallucinations, madness…for 16wks, stopped the 17th wk. my decision & the dr.s..i was then 117 lbs, june 7th 176lbs, now in a wheelchair with 2-3% energy, could barely make it to the bathroom in time! treatment was killing me not helping, yet my viral load is o! no nurses in 16wks, no help! but mel, dave-phone, jimmy, jeff-family, todd, mom-who i didn’t want around to much, it breaks her heart seeing me, then my dear friend tom fischer helped from 8th wk.! and 2 friends who have families and jobs, couldn’t visit much… except for facebook, myspace, utube, my new and old angels who cared, and helped, phone calls, i don’t know how i did it alone, lost benefits 4 times since jan ‘09, i’m on ssdi now-disabled. working to get back what’s been taken, in a positive manner…i will play a couple songs with my friends and my live-drumming again..! i know the devil personally, did some of his best dances, debauchery, lust, sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll decadence, had a blast…i have many scar’s from my life and choices, just like us all…trying to stay 51% angel, 49% devil, it’s a bitch, i have seen 60-40..very peaceful..i’m there now, heading toward the light, i see the 2nd page, clearly now…love* light* happiness* joy* hope* love* more* love**

i’m back to my indian heritage the circle of life, the medicine wheel-4-directions, and am also doing india treatments, and diet, and cleansing! i will die from my disease, not from treatment that’s killing me! they will watch for liver cancer, and viral load in march 2010! *my experience only..this does work for some, a 50% liver, probably a walk in the park, for me no=madness! joy* laughter* hope* light* happiness* dreams* love** to you all…! love***teddy )*

tjm